Tomorrow will be my 28th birthday.
This time last year, I was in a dark place – despite one of my closest friends taking me under her wing and trying to pull me out.
I was grieving the death of a relationship and the passing of my wonderful Nan. I couldn’t see any point in celebrating my birthday, as I didn’t feel like I had anything to live for.
As these memories fill my head, it’s like I’m looking into the mind of another person. Someone who was frail and vulnerable, who was so filled with anger and a heavy sadness that she couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
In reality, my relationship was toxic and it wasn’t the fact that he had left that hurt, it was the realisation that I had tied my self-worth to another person and he’d left. My lovely Nan was 80 years old and she’d lived a full life – one that ended surrounded by those that loved her the most.
But, like they old adage says, hindsight is 20/20.
While I miss my Nan every single day, I don’t think about the loss of life anymore. I look back fondly on the memories we made together. The funny stories, her ridiculous furry coats covered with images of wolves and her tendency to fill her bag with whatever was on the table. These warm memories keep her alive in my heart.
Despite being in a relationship for seven years, I am genuinely happy being single. I’ve invested the time and emotion I put into another person into myself. I decided to take back control of my body and get healthy, I’ve tried all the things I’ve wanted to over the years and I’ve been able to reconnect with friends.
So, unlike last year, I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I’m celebrating my birthday with some of the most important people in my life.
I intend to live every moment of my life from now on, instead of coasting along and hoping for the best. I’m no longer frail or emotionally vulnerable. I’m strong, confident and, most importantly, happy.
Happy birthday to me!